Wednesday, January 7, 2009

My attention span is shrinking. Its getting tougher and tougher for me to focus on any one thing for a good length of time, which is causing alot of areas of my life to suffer. I've got my fingers crossed that it's a passing ailment, and I'll wake up one day and be able to buckle down and write all the scattered thoughts I have throughout the day and make them make sense. Or that I'll be able to sit down and study for more than an hour at a time (a rare occasion lately). Or that I could be at a job longer than a month and not get bored out of my mind.

It seems depressing to me that people with good work ethic are usually the people who can put up with being bored 8 hours a day, doing a job they have no real interest in. I can't wait until I graduate with my degree and become a registered dietician, so I'll actually care about my work. The quote "do what you love, and you'll never work a day in your life" comes to mind.

Until then am I doomed to toil in monotonous misery, struggling to make ends meet (and right now, they definitely don't)? The words "nose" and "grindstone" come to mind.

At the same time it's pathetic that the worst I can complain of is being bored. Even if my finances aren't looking so bright, I still have a roof over my head and food in the cupboard (although most of it is the roommates). And I have the benefits of modern medicine, I'm getting a great education, I live in one of the most beautiful areas in the world, let alone the state.

As problems go, mine are usually of my own making, and I'm ashamed of it. I let things get to the point where they're hardly manageable anymore (i.e. dirty dishes piling up out of the sink so that I can barely move the faucet to fill it. Letting my laundry get so backed up that it takes a full two days to finish washing and drying it all. Ignoring the fact that my bank account balance is low, and letting an autopay bill overdraft it, costing me alot more.) It's really sad that I realize all of this about myself, but still lack the initiative to break it.

At any rate, I wish my demons didn't look so much like me, and I'm still hoping that one day I'll wake up a changed man and solve all my problems once and for all.

More likely I'll have to work at it for awhile. So here goes nothing.


  1. its all in the mindset and how much you're willing to work

  2. It's an overused cliche, but recognizing the 'demons' that you want to get rid of is really the first step to conquering them. You decide whether or not to be satisfied with what you're doing, and then what to do about it. You want more? make it happen. You can.

  3. That's an interesting image, and most likely a very accurate one, of our demons holding the same shape as ourselves. It is often how I feel.

  4. I don't think your alone with everything you mentioned. Every single thing I can relate with, it's not a satisfying life. I understand.