Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Tuesday, or: Money troubles

I just spent half of my net cash.

on a grande soy mocha.

All I have in my fridge right now is a bag of onions and a half tub of margarine. In my cupboards, I have bisquick, flour, potatoes, some spices, a few bags of pasta, a few boxes of mac and cheese, and...well... thats about it.

If you couldn't tell, that presents a problem, since I can't make the bisquick without milk, or really anything with the flour either. The mac & cheese that I can make comes out watery since I don't want to waste my precious margarine, so I use it sparingly, and without milk I'm forced to make the sauce with water (I just don't strain it all the way).

You may ask yourself, how does someone get to this point? By never saving any money, and using credit cards to cover unexpected expenses, and then neglecting to pay them down. Then you end up with a black cloud of debt over your head, no way to pay it off, and your landlord breathing down your neck.

True, I did just buy a bike for $50, so the fact that I have no grocery money is nobodies fault but my own, but that would only have forestalled this predicament by a week or so. And I'm going to sell my other bike once I fix up the new one, for around $200 so it's an investment really.

This isn't me complaining, it's a cautionary tale. Be wise with your money, or you'll end up like me. And hang on to a job when you have it, no matter how much you hate it. You'll wish you could go back to that dead end retail job in a heartbeat when you run out of money for the bare necessities.

I have no idea how I'm going to make rent this month. I'm selling my car, I have two people coming tomorrow to look at it. I'm most likely going to sell my laptop, and my monitor, and just use my old desktop piece of crap computer. May have to sell my camera. Refuse to sell my bike or my snowboard though.

I've been emailing my resume to ever job listing I can find online, handing it in to stores all around town, and hitting up all my friends to see if they know of anyone hiring. I'm to the point where I'll take a job at a fast food place, regardless of how much I hate them, just to get back in black (and no, not like ACDC)

This whole problem could be solved if my parents would cosign on a student loan to cover my outstanding credit cards. I've already cut them into shreds, and the second the balance is paid down I'm going to close the accounts. This is no way to live.

Especially considering the fact that I have fallen prey to the same vice I have protested with words for so long. I, who practice vegetarianism to draw attention to the excess of our society. And hear I am, with evidence of my excess all around me, and the consequences knocking down my door.

I am determined to go back to a more minimalistic existence. If only this lesson didn't carry such a heavy cost. The biggest regret I have is betraying my parents trust, since they have been helping me out with tuition and some expenses, and yet I am still blatantly irresponsible with my money.

I guess this is just one more reason I'm such a winner. You know, I've got so much going for me...

Anyways, I'm hoping I don't end up bankrupt and homeless at the end of the day, and I fully appreciate now more than ever that that is a very distinct possibility.

All I want to know is, what the hell happened? I used to be such a good kid.

Wish me luck, cross your fingers, think positive thoughts, and PRAY for me.

This has the potential to turn me back into a praying man (and that disgusts me too, that I would only turn to faith when I hit rock bottom)

I really am depraved. Anyways, I'll probably regret posting this for everyone to read later, since the only people I've told so far is my parents, but say lah vee.



  1. se la vie
    is right.

    He will provide for you.
    So long as you trust.
    Have faith.
    Yeah, it's not good to only turn to Him when things are down, but better than never.

    Live in today and trust Him for tomorrow.

  2. Coming empty handed to faith is not an ill deed. With less to hold, we have less to cudgel our would-be belief. Better a plea in prayer than a fair-weather friend.