Wednesday, August 26, 2009

I'm gonna try to make this make sense

First some free writing rambling to clear the air in my head

The world has a different smell in the morning, just as the sun comes up. I never really thought about it before, but waking up at 6 this morning, I was more alert than usual. I suppose thats what happens when you sleep 12 hours and wake up early in the morning. Anyways, I'm looking out my window right now as the sunlight is breaking over the range of hills behind Cal Poly, palm trees dancing in the forefront as the sky spills it's beautiful watercolors onto the canvas of the day. Today is the last day of finals, a very generous teacher was kind enough to let me retake a final that I slept in and missed on Monday. All of my professors at Cal Poly have been really helpful, I wish I knew how to take better advantage of that. Took my chem final and my organic chemistry final yesterday, back to back. Pulled an all nighter, general chemistry final was at 7am, took me the full 3 hours to take it, which rarely happens, but it's because I spent the time each question deserved for the first time in a long time. It wasn't conscious, but I answered problems that I couldn't on the two midterms on the final, and it's not that I studied them. In fact, I didn't study at all for general chemistry the night before, only for organic chemistry, the final that I'm pretty sure I bombed. I may have to take that class over again, which would be a bummer since I've never not passed a class before.

Freewriting over.

Unhappiness is a lonely place. We offer all the assurance in the world to those going through a dark time that the sunrise is coming soon. "All your problems are temporary", or "I know it's tough right now, but you'll be happy again," are the best we have to offer.
Heres the thing, when things are down, it's easy to reason that sure, for every valley theres a mountaintop. The tough part is remembering how great it is to be on the mountaintop. Thats a feeling you can't recapture, or even really remember, until you're back on top of the world. When your face wears no expression, it's hard to remember how great the urge to just smile is. We always wear the scars from our darkest moments, maybe not outwardly, but those times are not soon forgotten. And while we have good memories to cling to as well, a climb to the top of the world doesn't leave the same marks that a fall to the bottom do.


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