six quarts of blood
a Father's tears
an ocean of mercy.
thorns on His brow
sour wine in His mouth
king of the Jews
stripped of His robes
in the company of thieves
how can this be?

sky black as night
the earth shakes
His last breath a sigh
a curtain torn in two
'it is finished'
six quarts of blood
a Father's tears
an ocean of mercy

if it aint broke don't fix it

everythings broke.

FIX IT.

I'm gonna try to make this make sense

First some free writing rambling to clear the air in my head

The world has a different smell in the morning, just as the sun comes up. I never really thought about it before, but waking up at 6 this morning, I was more alert than usual. I suppose thats what happens when you sleep 12 hours and wake up early in the morning. Anyways, I'm looking out my window right now as the sunlight is breaking over the range of hills behind Cal Poly, palm trees dancing in the forefront as the sky spills it's beautiful watercolors onto the canvas of the day. Today is the last day of finals, a very generous teacher was kind enough to let me retake a final that I slept in and missed on Monday. All of my professors at Cal Poly have been really helpful, I wish I knew how to take better advantage of that. Took my chem final and my organic chemistry final yesterday, back to back. Pulled an all nighter, general chemistry final was at 7am, took me the full 3 hours to take it, which rarely happens, but it's because I spent the time each question deserved for the first time in a long time. It wasn't conscious, but I answered problems that I couldn't on the two midterms on the final, and it's not that I studied them. In fact, I didn't study at all for general chemistry the night before, only for organic chemistry, the final that I'm pretty sure I bombed. I may have to take that class over again, which would be a bummer since I've never not passed a class before.

Freewriting over.

Unhappiness is a lonely place. We offer all the assurance in the world to those going through a dark time that the sunrise is coming soon. "All your problems are temporary", or "I know it's tough right now, but you'll be happy again," are the best we have to offer.
Heres the thing, when things are down, it's easy to reason that sure, for every valley theres a mountaintop. The tough part is remembering how great it is to be on the mountaintop. Thats a feeling you can't recapture, or even really remember, until you're back on top of the world. When your face wears no expression, it's hard to remember how great the urge to just smile is. We always wear the scars from our darkest moments, maybe not outwardly, but those times are not soon forgotten. And while we have good memories to cling to as well, a climb to the top of the world doesn't leave the same marks that a fall to the bottom do.

(INCOMPLETE POST - DRAFT SAVED FROM 3/18/09)

i'm a trust fund kid without the benefit of billions at my fingertips

and i'm sick of it. sick of myself. so i will evolve. and they say that nothing changes too slowly, but tonight, nothing can change fast enough.

im ready to take my first step, away from my old self, to leave my own ghost where it belongs, in the past.

and in the midst of the chaos, the dark cloud over my head, i manage to find a bit of respite,

and milk it for every second

We will be held to account for every word we speak

I have been reading Matthew and a few Psalms this week, and the main thing that keeps standing out to me is how much emphasis there is on being honest, and being careful with the words that we speak.

Good fruit comes from good trees, evil springs forth from evil:

Matthew 12:36

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every areless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.

Jesus says that we shouldn't swear by God, or by anything else for that matter, and rather than taking an oath, let your yes become an oath to those who know you, and your no become the same.

Matthew 5:37

Let what you say be simply "Yes" or "No"; anything more than this comes from evil.

Psalm 101:5

Whoever slanders his neighbor secretly, I will destroy. Whoever has a haughty look and an arrogant heart, I will not endure.

Psalm 101:7

No one who practices deceit shall dwell in my housel no one who utters lies shall continue before my eyes.

Psalm 31:18

Let the lying lips be mute, which speak insolently against the righteous in pride and contempt

After reading all of those verses, it gave me a broader understanding of the golden rule, also found in Matthew, as it becomes clear that treating others as we want to be treated definitely includes the words we speak. I know there are countless other passages in the Bible that talk about guarding our mouths, being honest, etc. etc., it just really stood out to me what an emphasis was put on it by Jesus in Matthew, and by David in the Psalms.

Matthew 7:12

So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

So my takeaway from this is it's time for me to guard the gate by which folly and lies would so happily spill out from, and be sure that I am honest, I am kind, and I do not gossip. After all, what is the tongue if not a rudder for our ship, or a spark to a great forest.

On a lighter note, I've found a great way to start my morning is to wake up an extra fifteen minutes or so early and read a couple of psalms.

Everyone who reads this needs to go now and sign up for the forum I started: guf.11.forumer.com

go to the "life in general" subject and click on "what this forums all about" and read my little statement. Thankyou all, have a great day

Everything we do is worship

I discovered Calvary SLO podcasts on itunes today, listened to a sermon called "Worship: The God who transforms" while I folded my laundry. I'm excited to go to church on Sunday now, I like what the pastor has to say about alot of stuff. I have been thinking about the idea of worship ever since, and this is what came out, some of it is taken directly from the sermon, some of it is paraphrased, and some of it is just my thoughts on it. I really like Romans 12:1-2, which talks about offering yourself as a living sacrifice to God, and that if we do this then we will be transformed to the image of God, and we will begin to know and understand his will, which is a very cool concept, and a conclusion that I came to while talking to Sean about how we can grow deeper in the Kingdom. Anyways just felt like I had to share whats on my mind today, I'm working on a really big post about everything thats been going on in my mind in the past week, but it might take a little while, I have alot on my plate right now.

the thing that you turn to when you're sad, the thing that you turn to to celebrate, thats the thing that you worship
when you get your paycheck, the first thing you go spend money on, the thing that you spend the most and best time focused on getting/pursuing
thats worship
just as everything in the universe is spiritual, from the largest object to the tiniest, from the least dimensional to the most mind blowingly multidimensional
every action, everything we do in this life, is worship, down to what our thought life revolves around, to what we spend our money on, to what we rely on to make us feel better when we're sad, or help us celebrate when things are good
and the more you start looking at the world this way, the more you start to see that so many of our problems are a problem of worship, of priorities, and of what we really value.
Because that which we REALLY value, those things we consider glorious
and those things we devote our lives to,
and it becomes very easy to devote our attention and our time and our entire lives to a false idol without ever realizing it
and in the end, all false idols fall.

Romans 12:1-2
Psalms 115